Dear Mary:
I hope you can help me. There's this boy I've been forced into socializing with – he's rude, presumptuous, and incredibly full of himself. The first time we met, at a local ball, he REFUSED to dance with me. Not that I would want to dance with HIM, anyway. Since then, however, his behavior has become all the more bizarre. At subsequent social events, he would stare at me all dewy-eyed and pointedly ask me to dance in his weird, anti-social way. It was so uncomfortable it was all I could do to keep my friggin' composure.
In addition to his general lack of social graces, I have come to discover that he has single-handedly ruined the life of several of my closest friends. Like, for instance, he talked my angelic older sister's boyfriend into breaking up with her! Like she's not good enough for him! And he's like the richest guy in the shire or whatever. And, he cheated this charming soldier with these bitchin' sideburns out of this job he really wanted. He's just making friends and influencing people wherever he goes.
I went to visit an old friend of mine who's recently gotten married (to my oafish cousin who tried to marry me -- GROSS, I so don't envy her AT ALL), and guess who should be visiting the area at the same time? Mr. Snubby McPrideful himself. Really put a cramp on my vacay, if you know what I'm saying. I spent most of my time talking to his babe of a cousin (if he had been my cousin, I might have accepted that proposal – incest is okay when you're pretty), but Senor Stick-Up-His-Ass always managed to weasel his way into our conversations.
Then, one morning, as I was resting alone at my friend's house, he comes to visit. He acts all weird and awkward and then starts babbling about how much he "ardently loves and admires me"! As if, dude. He proceeds to insult my entire family, berate himself for being unable to resist my charms, and finally PROPOSE. I DON"T EVEN KNOW THIS GUY. It was all I could do to not run screaming from the room. So I told him where he could stick his "prospects," and hoped that was the end of it.
But, Mary, it was so not the end of it. I feel I may have been horribly wrong about Senor Stick-Up-His-Ass. For one thing, he has one bitchin\' house. Chez Stick-Up-His-Ass has it all: hot tub, tennis courts, swimming pool, a nifty little golfish pond, a movie theater in the basement. I toured it when I was in LA, and wow, was it something. Also, I did a little digging into that whole sideburns guy and he may not exactly be trustworthy. And, taking a closer look, Senor SUHA is a pretty tasty studmuffin. He fences! That is, like, so classy.
Okay, so is it wrong of me to drastically change my opinion of a guy because of some choice real estate he happens to possess? I mean, is a goldfish pond worth my womanly virtue? More than that, how do I let Senor-Stick-Up-His-Ass know that I would like to become Senora Stick-Up-His-Ass and have lots of little Twigs-Up-Their-Asses? It's not an easy subject to broach, ya know…("Hey, remember that time I totally shut you down and kicked you out of someone else's house? Kidding! Let\'s go to Vegas!) He's also still kind of awkward, so that doesn't help…Please help me, Mary. You must have gone through something like this with that carpenter. Signed,
Prejudiced But Not Proud Of It
Dear Prejudiced,
In this life, we enjoy only a limited perspective. Our singular point of view offers only a limited vision of the big picture. It is sometimes difficult to ascertain an accurate idea of what we would describe as the total reality of a given situation.
You may have been a victim of your own perspective in your initial assessment of Mr. SUHA. In your early encounters, you could only observe the end product of an unknown series of events. As time has worn on, perhaps small elements of the bigger picture have come into focus for you, and this is a blessing to be thankful for. The wonderful gift of time is that it gives us an opportunity to learn more and the time we have also gives us a chance to change our minds. There is nothing wrong in reassessing your opinion of a gentleman based on additional information.
Perhaps one of the benefits of this time is the grace of knowing that Mr. SUHA, and every imperfect person we encounter, is also acting from a limited view of the totality of events, and grant some compassion and slack since we can appreciate how difficult it is to assess another person without the benefit of knowing all the details of a given situation.
However, I'm afraid that I cannot condone simply reappraising Mr. SUHA based on his material possessions. One great thing about our modern age is that you can earn material wealth in your own right, and so there is no reason to use a man for wealth.
I wish you a lifetime of learning more about Mr. SUHA. Blessings.
